The Truth in my heart

                I have become a Christian again and there is something that I am really struggling with. You see I think that I have found the woman that I am supposed to marry. The woman that God has promised me so long ago. There unfortunately are several complications in the way of us being together. Many of these complications are pretty severe. Though I am a firm believer that love conquers all, there is a question of whether or not this love is right by Gods eyes. You see I really believe in my heart of hearts that this woman is my wife. My heart beats a billion times faster when I am around her and seems to stand still when she is gone. All I want is for her to be happy. In any way that may be. Even if it’s not with me. Though I feel we are supposed to be together. Nothing hurts more than not being sure and not knowing. Every day I draw closer to God and seek his will and counsel on this subject. My soul harkens unto his will and I try to live a sinless life according to his plan. Can love that comes from God ever truly be sin? Now I know that sounds like an easy answer. To think that perhaps I am just confused and that this love is not from God but only from my earthly heart and that it is wicked. Alas I assure you that it is not possible that this love be sin. For one thing God lives in me. My body is his temple and though I sin against my temple from time to time this love could not be born of sin. There is no way that the one who is love that lives inside of me could want me to sin against him. That would be a form of spiritual suicide. Nothing in my heart is imperfect. My love is not imperfect. Yet God is a God of order and not confusion. This is the fundamental truth that lies in the matter of honesty. Could this love be sin? No. It’s not I that am truly confused. My heart knows what it wants and I have asked God many times that if this love be sin to take it from me. Though he has yet to do so. Its real and it’s from God that I love. One day hopefully all of this will fall in line according to his plan. Until that time I have to remain ever his servant and ever obedient by his command and by his word.

Should We Love or Fear God?

Hello it’s been a long time since I’ve cracked open my lap top to write anything. Since I’ve last written I have once again delve back into a Christian life style. The details on why I’ve become a Christian again I shall leave for a later time. Having once again picked up my bible to start studying the word of god, an inherent detail has begun to resurface in my mind. A long standing question that I’ve often asked my self is do I love God or fear him? To me love and fear are two very different and distinctly polar opposite emotions. You can fear losing something you love. But you truly can’t love something that you fear. Fear feeds hate and self-preservation. Whereas love feeds compassion, understanding, and self-sacrifice. I’ve never known someone to sacrifice themselves for fear. Though I have seen many people do it for love. My self-included. I wouldn’t normally stand in front of gun or a charging bear because I fear those things. But to protect some one that I love I would do it in a heartbeat. Is God power full. Yes of course. Is God magnificent. Yes, indeed he is. If I were to turn away from God and sin against him and curse his very name, then yes I would fear him. I would fear his wrath. I would fear his judgment. Most of all I would fear his absence. To say that I could love what I fear to me is not only paradoxical but it’s wrong. Even when I was a child I understood this. I never feared a beating from my mom because I knew I deserved it. Deep down when you know you deserve judgement and punishment for something that you’ve done wrong you don’t fear that person or thing that inflicts it upon you. You love them. Or at the very least you can be indifferent towards them. Neither love nor fear. So to me I will never say that I fear God. Because God loves me. Even now. Even still. After all the wrong that I have done and every sin I’ve ever committed. In full knowledge of my actions and the consequences there after. I could never say that I didn’t know what would happen. When I’ve done something wrong or sinned against God. Since God knows the abundance of my heart and knows that my heart is both filled with and motivated by love. How could I fear any judgment if I am deserving of it. Instead I will choose to love his grace and his mercy. To love his restraint. To love his forgiveness. Since God is my father then he should also be my teacher since we raise our young and teach them what is right and wrong. Then by the examples of my father’s love and mercy I shall also be that way. I shall love and never make myself a person to be feared. To me it’s like that old saying is it better to be feared or respected? I say neither for it is better to be loved and to show love in return.

Let me know how you feel about this in the comments sections. If any were to find fault in the things I say or would like to enlighten me via scripture I welcome such things. Go now and may God be with you and love you all the days of your life.

Why do women chose to be with bad men.

  

      It’s amazing growing up as a millennia man these days. Women of this generation seem to love to suffer. It’s crazy really. The whole notion of a bad boy lures them into thinking that being mistreated is what they truly deserve. In all honesty I'm quite over it. It sickens me. Over and over again they trap themselves with these men and complain that they are mistreated. Over and over again they call themselves strong and say that they are bosses and yet they get their feelings trampled on day in and day out. They become so accustomed to the mistreatment that when they actually meet a normal guy they act completely irrational. For instance, like asking him to marry them while having sex. This has happened to me twice so far. Only to be broken up with later on because they crave the torment that they use to receive at the hands of those bad guys. It truly confuses me. I'm a good looking guy. I'm not fat I work out and I have no need for a woman to do anything for me. It seems the more you have your life together the more susceptible you are to being mistreated. Women have broken up with me for all types of dumb reasons. In the end they end up being with the kind of guy that they claimed they loathed. Of course I get to revel in that later on but it’s still very sad to watch. One day perhaps I will find a normal kind woman. One who doesn't play games and isn't so “Stockholm “that they can actually recognize and appreciate me. Till then I watch these helpless angels have their wings plucked over and over again. Some learn eventually. Others will sadly repeat this cycle forever. Oh well. You can’t save every one now can you?

The Argument - A short cautionary tale

   

     I have not the time nor the patience to deal with you. Something tells me by the look on your face that you truly don't understand. Its ok, were I you this would seem out of place. In truth though I'm not you. This may not come as a shock to you, but I'm not who you think I am. The reason I become who you want me to be, is simple. Everything stems from power. The need to control. We all share the same basic desires. Power hungry we seek things that seem to give us control of another. Why would we need these things if we are happy? The truth is we are never happy. We are insatiable covetous beings. We seek everything we don't have. Everything we already poses is worthless by virtue of its acquisition. The chase is everything. Running after a lofty goal no matter how intangible is all that keeps us moving and motivated. Dreams are only worth the time if we aren't awake to poke holes in its reality. No one wants the things that they can easily obtain. The saying the grass grows greener on the other side perfectly summarizes this. In truth no one really wants to work for what they have. In the end they always put forth more work than they had intended. If your chasing something and running after a goal, then you are indeed expending energy. How do you obtain power without the use of power? The simple answer would be that it’s impossible. The truth however is vastly different. Don't use your own energy. Instead learn how to manipulate other people’s efforts for your own gain. The moral disposition of such a notion is indicative of dishonesty. This is only half true. Is it not more dishonest to not admit that we all deserve more than we have been dealt? We have to find the keys to the doors that were hidden to us long ago. All I suggest is that you search for the keys so that I may enter. When you are exhausted and weary, worry not. For I without having expended my energies shall carry you forward. Together we shall both reap the rewards… Or so the snake says.

Future Fustrations Cycle

So I have begun to notice a trend and I don't know what I should do. Either I confront this matter head on and face certain back lash. Or I continue to let it eat me up on the inside. The problem that I have is small. Either way I'm going to be the bad guy. I'm always the bad guy. This is truly an unfair statement because I always mean well. Yet over and over again I'm put in situations where apathy is not the best choice for my self or others. So what am I truly to do? I'll never be able to fix every one or save every one. All I can do is try to alleviate their worries and troubles and hope that they end up being happy in the end. Because this is more than I can grin or bear. No one should ever feel like they are responsible for fixing some else's past and that includes me. The past can't be used to hurt the future and yet here I am again. Facing this same moral dilemma. It's truly not my fault that most people need some one to help them see the light. sadly I can no longer accept responsibility for other peoples actions.

Random Late Night thoughts.

It has been a while since I’ve written anything in my blog. A lot has gone on and because of that its prevented me from getting a clear mind to type. There is no reason for me to bore you with the details. Though there is something that I would like to talk about. Here lately I’ve been thinking a lot about potential and growth. Both personal and professional. One thing that has become glaringly obvious is the old saying " it’s not what you know but who you know ". It seems to be the old adage was true. Even knowing this saying it never truly occurred to me how to maximize its potential. Now that I am beginning to adhere to this old adage, all the gates and doors seem to be open to me. I’ve noticed a change in my overall persona and demeanor. People seem to respect me more. Things seem to become easy to the point little effort is needed. Now all my goals seem that much closer and attainable. This is of course not without a lot of work. With that being said though even that work seems very easy. If I can I would like to share one thing that has motivated me to no end recently. It follows as such. Time truly waits for no man. Being no exception to that rule I’ve found myself getting older faster than I was moving forward. That's not something that I can tolerate any more. You see I am a single father and I would like to provide my daughter with the best of things in life. So that means that I myself must acquire those better things to then pass them on to her. As a parent we all know that our children mean the world to us. My daughter has become my central focus in life. If something doesn't benefit her wellbeing than it must be removed with haste. So to draw back to my original point. Because I have an immense love for her I have to be not only a better man but a better person in the world of business. If I have lost my point bear with me. This brandy is much stronger than I thought. Thought a drink could help the words flow a little better. What I'm trying to say is to do more I have to be more. The only point that I'm trying to poorly convey is that opportunity is not something that you can simply wait for. You have to create your opportunities and make life your own. No one is going to give you anything. You have to create it for yourself. If you cannot focus on your goals, then you’re not going to make it in life. Many years have been wasted waiting for something to come along and help me. Now the time is at hand to do the things that need to be done. So going forward I'm going to make sure that I succeed at life instead of standing by and watching it tick away.

The little annoying things...

Sometimes I am a complete victim to frustration. It seems to be everywhere around me manifesting itself constantly in mundane situations. Probably one of the most annoying things about this is the fact that I don't know exactly what triggers it. For all intents and purposes I have a great life. I'm a father of one of the most beautiful little girls this world has ever seen. My job is great and I have worked there over a decade. My love life is amazing and I'm healthy as a horse. Yet from time to time I have things that bug me immensely. Though I try to blame my intelligence or lack thereof at times, I realize it’s something that most people go through often. Even still it’s terribly annoying. To me my frustrations feel like a locked door blocking my climb towards an even more successful life. Everywhere I see keys but none of them seem to unlock those doors. It’s very annoying. Albert Einstein supposedly defined insanity as the repeated action of an un fruitful result. Is that what I'm doing? Repeating the same patterns over and over again in a vicious cycle of futility? Surely there are no external forces that I can draw upon to either aid, or stifle me. Even still, I feel it. The nagging persistent frustration that says " You don't belong here". Will I ever conquer these annoying fears? Perhaps one day maybe. For now, I sit in front of this tiny laptop. In my town home filled with luxuries, while my daughter entertains herself by asking me several thousands of questions. With my biceps still sore from the work outs earlier during the week. Here I sit, waiting to unravel the mysteries that lock my mind and keep me running in this hamster’s wheel. Frustrated every time I look over and realize I'm not really moving at all. Oh well at least it’s fun exercise. 

 

Random Thoughts...

When I wake up every morning I have the strange feeling that I am reliving the same day. Sometimes this has led me to believe that I'm still asleep. When I feel like this I try to take control of my surroundings but it never works. A recurring theme seems to take hold. How do I know I am actually living? Time moves to a degree but we truly can’t see it can we. The older I get the more I feel my body and mind slowing down. Are these the effects of time? If I am alive and I am moving does anything ever really change at all? It feels like I'm stuck in a Matrix. Recently scientist have started noting that the world may actually be a giant simulation. Years ago I had come across this idea in the form of a book called " The Holographic Universe". It was a decent read for me at the time. When I was younger I was really into physics and Neural-sciences. The question of how we know what we know is a fascinating prospect to me. How do we ever really know anything at all? Everything I'm thinking right now, every word I type has been thought of at some point before by someone else. Does anything ever really change at all? This may seem an insignificant question to most but to me it is the lynch pin to our existence. As I get older I pick up more understanding of how this all works. Even still nothing really changes at all. If I could sum it up to a degree I feel like I'm an old video cassette tape. One that was used before to record numerous events. As time passes on the tape records more and more. Eventually ghost images of what has been previously recorded start to wear on the film and things seem remotely familiar. Like I have seen this before. It’s become so prominent as with time that I can almost predict events with a high rate of accuracy. Am I actually predicting the future or is it that I have done these things before? In time I am sure I’ll know what all this means. For right now it still won’t make sense. All I know is that Life keeps marching on and I keep flowing down that river that has been so well charted before me. Or am I?

 

A Real Man... I hate that term.

Ok so I have had my fair share of run ins with women in my time. Lately one narrative seems to keep popping up in conversations amongst millennial women. “A real man”, shouted and spoken from the lips of every jaded woman from old to young. This is the phrase tossed around on social media left and right to condition and disarm would be bad boys. The sad thing is the bad boys are already too good at what they do. So good luck trying to make a boy become a man. The ugly truth is that you attract the kind of guy you get. If you are overly flirtatious don't expect your man to not be. Men are opportunist. The term “What is good for the goose is good for the gander” applies heavily to male thinking. If you’re the type of women that enjoys having a lot of male friends while having a boyfriend, don't be upset that he will do the same thing with his female friends. You can’t make the rules and then not chose to follow them. It just doesn't work that way. Now I get that there are a lot of immature selfish men out there. What you also must realize is that there are a lot of insecure jealous women as well. An example I could give would be a female friend of mine that has slept with a great deal of men, but doesn't like me because she thinks I'm a flirt. That kind of thinking is amazing to me. The fact that she can go out and have sex with any one she wanted too but I can’t even talk to a female without her getting jealous. These type of women are a dime a dozen. Just like all the so called fake men. The point that I want to truly drive home is that you have to stop type casting men. Find a good guy. You will know if he is a man or a boy. You can’t assume that any guy will be everything that you want him to be. Especially if you yourself are not up to par. Expect more from yourself and you will get more from everyone else. That's just how it works. Do not go around shouting “A Real Man” left and right and expect one to just come out of nowhere. For all the women that I have offended I am sorry. For those that understood please explain it to the ones that don't. Thank You.

 

Now is not the time for crying

Now is not the time for crying

We often find ourselves in situations we’ve created. Only to later cry about them. Woe is me says the fool with short memory. How easily we forget all the choices that lead there. As we get older it’s easy to use hind sight to recollect on past discretions. We use cognitive dissonance and bias to justify our actions. Little do we remember that we are responsible for our actions. No one makes you do things that you’ll later regret. Most love to play the blame game. Its ok though. Everything will eventually come full circle. In time the things we’ve done will amount to that massive pile of regret. What exactly am I talking about? In particular, I'm tired of watching people blame everyone else for their problems. No one is ever more responsible for the situations we face then ourselves. Stop trying to pass blame. Stop dodging responsibility. We have to grow and learn from our mistakes. The more we succumb to the notion that it is not our fault the more we dilute the true value from its meaning. We need to feel all the things that are leading up to failure and success. So please, as a people lets grow the fuck up and stop blaming others for our failures.

 

My Debut

Hello, my name is Ionyx Sephira. This is my first blog. Simple enough right. Ok so I will start by explaining why I created this blog. For starters I love to write. I'm not great at it though it’s always been a passion of mine. Since I was in high school, I use to write in composition notebooks and jot down random thoughts and or ideas. Doing so would help me formulate new ideas and concepts as well as question old axioms and dogmas. This of course would help shape the person I would later become. Generally, I like to believe that writing is the best form of communication that exist. There is something truly special about reading some one’s thoughts and commenting on them after word. With this blog I'm hoping to encourage new thinkers into generating conversations. Thought Poison Reform will take on a wide array of topics. Hopefully I will be able to tackle some of life’s more difficult questions as well as help others start their own. We can all learn from this experience. Bear with me please. This is something that I will take serious but I am no expert. So I will make a lot of mistakes along the way. You the reader can help me grow and learn immensely by commenting on these post. Any comment be it good or bad will help me grow as a writer then hope fully one day I’ll be writing your next favorite book, article, or screen play. Any way I'm rambling on because I'm rushing. The sun is out and I'm trying to take my child outside soon. So with that I say farewell. Stay tuned because I will be back and then the real fun can start. Thank you for reading.