So I have
been thinking a lot lately. About you me and about us. It seems to me that when
you know I want you, that’s when you begin to pull away. However if the reverse
is true and I pull away you come running back to me. Telling me that you love
me and that you want to be with me. Funny how that works. It did not take me
long to figure this out because it’s all too familiar for me. However I haven’t
seen tactics like this since high school. That’s exactly what this all reminds
me of. A juvenile relationship with no aim or goal. Just time spent for no
better reason than to waste it. You perhaps don’t want me to see other people. Truthfully
I can understand that notion. However what if I don’t want to see you anymore? What
if I deem this stupid and pointless and try to move on from it? I am allowed that
right am I not? For all this time we have been together, while you were chasing
after your past. Trying to make amends for some misguided reasons. You failed
to realize that I too have been pulling away. Soon I will be your past as well.
Will you forget me then or cling to me just the same? The point is that you are
far too damaged to ever understand what you really want. You cant settle down
but you don’t want to be alone either. So you chose to waste my time instead. Meanwhile
I have goals and dreams and aspirations that I will achieve with or without you
in my life. Just remember how you treated me. The lonely nights the terrible days.
How you gas lit me into believing that I was the bad guy. In truth now I am. At first
I wasn’t. I’ve become what you made me to be. Thought you might want to know that.
In this time even though I have squandered it with you. Just know that you have
taught me a lot. These things that I have learned from you are going to make me
a stronger and better person. So thank you for at least providing me with the opportunity
to learn and grow as a human. One day I hope I can say the same about you. That
you have learned and grown as a human. Sadly I wont be around to see it.
