The Truth in my heart

                I have become a Christian again and there is something that I am really struggling with. You see I think that I have found the woman that I am supposed to marry. The woman that God has promised me so long ago. There unfortunately are several complications in the way of us being together. Many of these complications are pretty severe. Though I am a firm believer that love conquers all, there is a question of whether or not this love is right by Gods eyes. You see I really believe in my heart of hearts that this woman is my wife. My heart beats a billion times faster when I am around her and seems to stand still when she is gone. All I want is for her to be happy. In any way that may be. Even if it’s not with me. Though I feel we are supposed to be together. Nothing hurts more than not being sure and not knowing. Every day I draw closer to God and seek his will and counsel on this subject. My soul harkens unto his will and I try to live a sinless life according to his plan. Can love that comes from God ever truly be sin? Now I know that sounds like an easy answer. To think that perhaps I am just confused and that this love is not from God but only from my earthly heart and that it is wicked. Alas I assure you that it is not possible that this love be sin. For one thing God lives in me. My body is his temple and though I sin against my temple from time to time this love could not be born of sin. There is no way that the one who is love that lives inside of me could want me to sin against him. That would be a form of spiritual suicide. Nothing in my heart is imperfect. My love is not imperfect. Yet God is a God of order and not confusion. This is the fundamental truth that lies in the matter of honesty. Could this love be sin? No. It’s not I that am truly confused. My heart knows what it wants and I have asked God many times that if this love be sin to take it from me. Though he has yet to do so. Its real and it’s from God that I love. One day hopefully all of this will fall in line according to his plan. Until that time I have to remain ever his servant and ever obedient by his command and by his word.

Should We Love or Fear God?

Hello it’s been a long time since I’ve cracked open my lap top to write anything. Since I’ve last written I have once again delve back into a Christian life style. The details on why I’ve become a Christian again I shall leave for a later time. Having once again picked up my bible to start studying the word of god, an inherent detail has begun to resurface in my mind. A long standing question that I’ve often asked my self is do I love God or fear him? To me love and fear are two very different and distinctly polar opposite emotions. You can fear losing something you love. But you truly can’t love something that you fear. Fear feeds hate and self-preservation. Whereas love feeds compassion, understanding, and self-sacrifice. I’ve never known someone to sacrifice themselves for fear. Though I have seen many people do it for love. My self-included. I wouldn’t normally stand in front of gun or a charging bear because I fear those things. But to protect some one that I love I would do it in a heartbeat. Is God power full. Yes of course. Is God magnificent. Yes, indeed he is. If I were to turn away from God and sin against him and curse his very name, then yes I would fear him. I would fear his wrath. I would fear his judgment. Most of all I would fear his absence. To say that I could love what I fear to me is not only paradoxical but it’s wrong. Even when I was a child I understood this. I never feared a beating from my mom because I knew I deserved it. Deep down when you know you deserve judgement and punishment for something that you’ve done wrong you don’t fear that person or thing that inflicts it upon you. You love them. Or at the very least you can be indifferent towards them. Neither love nor fear. So to me I will never say that I fear God. Because God loves me. Even now. Even still. After all the wrong that I have done and every sin I’ve ever committed. In full knowledge of my actions and the consequences there after. I could never say that I didn’t know what would happen. When I’ve done something wrong or sinned against God. Since God knows the abundance of my heart and knows that my heart is both filled with and motivated by love. How could I fear any judgment if I am deserving of it. Instead I will choose to love his grace and his mercy. To love his restraint. To love his forgiveness. Since God is my father then he should also be my teacher since we raise our young and teach them what is right and wrong. Then by the examples of my father’s love and mercy I shall also be that way. I shall love and never make myself a person to be feared. To me it’s like that old saying is it better to be feared or respected? I say neither for it is better to be loved and to show love in return.

Let me know how you feel about this in the comments sections. If any were to find fault in the things I say or would like to enlighten me via scripture I welcome such things. Go now and may God be with you and love you all the days of your life.