The Truth in my heart

                I have become a Christian again and there is something that I am really struggling with. You see I think that I have found the woman that I am supposed to marry. The woman that God has promised me so long ago. There unfortunately are several complications in the way of us being together. Many of these complications are pretty severe. Though I am a firm believer that love conquers all, there is a question of whether or not this love is right by Gods eyes. You see I really believe in my heart of hearts that this woman is my wife. My heart beats a billion times faster when I am around her and seems to stand still when she is gone. All I want is for her to be happy. In any way that may be. Even if it’s not with me. Though I feel we are supposed to be together. Nothing hurts more than not being sure and not knowing. Every day I draw closer to God and seek his will and counsel on this subject. My soul harkens unto his will and I try to live a sinless life according to his plan. Can love that comes from God ever truly be sin? Now I know that sounds like an easy answer. To think that perhaps I am just confused and that this love is not from God but only from my earthly heart and that it is wicked. Alas I assure you that it is not possible that this love be sin. For one thing God lives in me. My body is his temple and though I sin against my temple from time to time this love could not be born of sin. There is no way that the one who is love that lives inside of me could want me to sin against him. That would be a form of spiritual suicide. Nothing in my heart is imperfect. My love is not imperfect. Yet God is a God of order and not confusion. This is the fundamental truth that lies in the matter of honesty. Could this love be sin? No. It’s not I that am truly confused. My heart knows what it wants and I have asked God many times that if this love be sin to take it from me. Though he has yet to do so. Its real and it’s from God that I love. One day hopefully all of this will fall in line according to his plan. Until that time I have to remain ever his servant and ever obedient by his command and by his word.