What was I truly to say or do that would have changed anything for the better? She would ask for one if she truly wanted a better life. Though he knew there wasn't much that he could do to prevent her from leaving, he tried anyway. Foolishly hoping that somehow he could change her mindset. She would often tell him that she could not be controlled. Though he never fully grasped her reactions to his affirmations he still stood by her and tried to make it work best he could. He used to think that if he tried hard enough and gave more she would want to stay and that it would finally make him happy. He tried his hardest to make things work. But sometimes things don't always go as they are planned. Sometimes things are not what they seem. How can you make someone love you? How can you open their eyes enough to see that this is what they truly wanted and that it's all they ever asked for? He would often ponder and overthink things like this to himself. Why do we have to love the ones that won't love us back, he thought to himself. All of his efforts would be in vain if he would only just understood this time things would not be different. This time he was always destined to lose. This time there would be no winning and he would have nothing in the end. Do we live to just find what makes us happy or do we live to be happy with what we find? No, matter how many times he would ask himself these types of questions it would never help him to understand what exactly it was that was happening. She is a wildfire. He is a tree. For her to exist he must burn down to the very root. Some people live their entire lives based on emotional reactions to events. They live in the moment and do what feels good then. They never have too much thought or care for a future. Partly because they feel like life is short and if you don't live it now then you'll waste it. While he understood the concept and idea of what she believed he also would think in contrast opposite of her. Their beliefs were just too different to ever come together and unify. He would need her to feel loved while she needed freedom and space to miss him. They could never see eye to eye on this because she lives her life in moments jumping from feeling to feeling, whereas he lived his life for a future that he was looking forward to. Life indeed is short he thought, however, what happens when life is longer than expected? What happens when you outlive your ability to enjoy life, what happens when the memories fade and there is nothing left but to sit and watch time go by? As bleak as that sounded he thought to himself that planning could help offset what could be a dead-end. No one plans to fail or to lose. No one tries to be unhappy or do what they don't like to do. However, sometimes it is required that we sit back and take a moment to think about what could happen if we don't plan ahead. She would never understand his perspective. She would always feel like she has to live in the moment and do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. That life would be better if you lived it freely without consequence. Life to her was a gift that should not be wasted. Do what makes you happy always and never think of what could happen because tomorrow is never guaranteed and you could die today wishing you had done more with your time. She liked to feel just a little chaos in her days so that her blood could surge and rise and she could feel alive in the moment. She already spent too much of her time living for others and scared her to think that she would waste more time if she stood here where she had always lived. She wanted out. A new life with a fresh start. Somewhere she could live wild and free and in the moment. She knew he could never understand and that he would think she was fickle and a flight risk. While she did love him she did not want to feel bogged down to him. She would rather live where and how she loved than have it caged by anyone. She had spent so much of her time on the wrong people who had hurt her and made her feel like less than a person. She would never let anyone else hold her down again. While she believed in monogamy she always felt like she should be able to give herself freely to anyone she wanted and at any time. He could never understand this because he was the type to put all his eggs in one basket she thought. While they were completely different people with opposite mindsets she did love him and she did see how hard he was trying and all the efforts he was making. But in the end, she knew she had to love herself more than anyone else could. If she lived for him and stayed she would regret never having lived her dream and that would eventually turn into resentment. While at times during the quiet hours of the night, she would feel lonely and it was good to have somebody to rely on and depend on, she also knew that this was not a unique feeling to just him and that she could have anyone she desired at any time. She enjoyed the idea of living more than the thought of having someone who she could always rely on. She needed to feel free and alive to not burn out. Life was already too difficult to spend it wasted on someone who wouldn't budge or move. He was stubborn like that. He would never want to just travel the world and live out new experiences. She knew he was as stable as a rock unyielding and unmotivated. If only she could ignite a fire in him to change and see things her way she thought maybe they could have a future. However, like all stories, this one had to end someday so she thought might as well be here and now.
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